Empty Arms Once Again

Monday I went to the doctor. I had to give them a urine sample and then went into the exam room and waited 10-15 minutes. The doctor came in and said “Congratulations.”

Um… what???

She said “the test was positive.”

I said, “Really?”

She said, “Yeah.”

I said, “Are you sure?”

She laughed and said, “Yes, why don’t you believe it?”

So, I then explained that I had no symptoms and all the pregnancy tests I had taken were VERY faint and I mean VERY FAINT. The kind you really have to stare at for a long time and then a hint of a line shows up and you wonder if you just stared at it too long.

She did her exam and said that everything looked okay… ya know, inside. Then she said she would do blood work then and again on Wednesday. We’d go from there.

Later that night, I took another test. The same extremely faint line showed up, this time about 3 minutes after dipping it according to my husband. I refused to stand there and watch, but he really wanted me to test.

Later on that night, I checked my cervix (which still hurts) and found a pink streak through some of the CM. Is it due to the progesterone? the exam she gave me? or an impending miscarriage?

I got up this morning (Wednesday) and tested. I used 2 different tests. A FRER and a cheap internet one. The FRER was completely negative. The cheap internet one had the faintest of a “shadow  line”, even more faint than the ones I took last week. Of course, this made my hope die.

A few hours later, I noticed some brown “stuff”. I called the doctor’s office and spoke with the nurse. It’s funny how she went from sounding cranky to sounding sympathetic. She said brown blood is old blood and doesn’t mean anything, she asked if I had cramping (nope, just cervix pressure), she asked if I had intercourse recently (nope, not since ovulation). After putting me on hold for a couple minutes, she came back and said there was nothing they could do for a miscarriage – DUH! That I should just come in for my blood work and see if it goes up or down. I asked what my hcg level was on Monday. She told me… 8. Just 8. Not 108. Not 508. Not even 28. Just 8.  How does a pregnancy test pick up a level of 8????????

When I went in for my blood work, I asked to talk to a nurse to see if I should keep taking the progesterone and if I could just get a prescription for clomid now so I didn’t have to go back. The secretary called the nurse and when she got off the phone she tells me to go home, rest and wait for the results of today’s blood work. WTH? I asked my question and she stopped another nurse and asked her. The nurse says to take the progesterone until they tell me otherwise. She wasn’t very nice about it. Oh and no prescription for clomid until I get a negative test.

Tonight, the brown has some red mixed in. I know this is over and I hate waiting for it. Just hurry up and get on with it already!!!!!!!

I feel empty.

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1 Comment »

  1. mkwewer Said:

    I just found you but yes, I had a pregnancy test of 6. 5 is not pregnant 6 is…I miscarried about a week later…I’m like you, I don’t really test because I can’t stand the faint line and knowing that it’s probably not going to stick…my blog is http://www.survivingbaby.wordpress.com

    I’m so sorry that you are my people.


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