Archive for March, 2009

My First

evaporation line? After I blogged last night and went into my room, I noticed the test I took had a secondĀ faint line – but it was VERY faint. And it had been 2 hours. So, I couldn’t trust it. But, my hopes shot up anyway. Now, I have to wait and see what happens. But, if it’s NOT a faint positive, it will be my very first evaporation line EVER. I’ve never had one before (that I can remember). I even looked back on some tests I have taken in the past few months and none of them show this hint of a line.

If I don’t get my period by Thursday, I will take another test.

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What To Do Next?

I peed on a stick today. Okay, not really. I peed in a cup today and dipped the stick in. Is there anyone out there that can actually aim perfectly onto that stupid little stick??? Back to the issue at hand, I got a big fat negative. I know, it’s only day 11dpo, maybe day 12dpo AND I didn’t use first morning urine. So, there’s a small chance – a very small chance – that I could be pregnant.

I’m thinking no though, as much as I thought that maybe, just maybe, it would work this month. I did have a couple little symptoms, but now I have this cervix pressure. I had it when I miscarried in November and I had it last cycle 3 days before my period showed up.

Assuming it does show up… I’m not sure what to do next. I still want to keep trying, but not sure how to go about it. Do I try and make it quickly to the doctor as soon as Aunt Flo shows up? This is only hard because I babysit and need my husband to be home to take care of all the other kids while I go and it’s hard for him to get the time off, especially on short notice. The only reason I have to go to the doctor is for her to check my ovaries and make sure they’re happy. When a patient wants more Clomid, they have to have an exam first. I’ve had three rounds of Clomid – got pregnant the first time and miscarried – and then last cycle and this cycle.

Or do we take this next cycle off. No temps, no ovulation tests, no meds. And if I do, will that screw anything up? So, maybe I make an appointment to go to the doctor in a week or two and then I’d have the meds for the cycle after that. Or maybe take the time off until summer when I may not have the kids I babysit for and it would be easier to go to the doctor?

I’m getting very frustrated. And stressed. That isn’t good. My husband is stressed too, stressed at work, stressed over the fire, stressed with me not getting pregnant. Maybe a month off would be good. But, then I think that I’m not a very patient person. I don’t know if I could take a month or two off and not go insane.

My other choice is to go to a specialist. I’m only seeing the OB right now. I didn’t want to go to the specialist because I had four children. I didn’t want to seem greedy. Maybe I should wait and get an appointment with the specialist for the summer.

So, dear readers, what would you do? Keep in mind it’s been 14 months now since we’ve started trying to conceive. It took 9 months to get pregnant and then I miscarried and now it’s been another 5 months. I’ve never had this much trouble getting pregnant. Is it God saying “You have enough!” or “Your body can’t handle another”? Or has something changed? Maybe I can’t get pregnant in Texas? šŸ˜€

Only One

Only one of my breasts are sore. This is very annoying. I have no idea what this is supposed to mean. The last time I was pregnant, both breasts were sore. Then the past couple months, only the right side has been. It’s obviously NOT a pregnancy symptom… I admit though, it does get my hopes up a little.

Here we are at 11dpo and my only symptom is one sore breast. Great. Now, if you ask my dh, he’ll tell you a few others that I don’t consider symptoms: getting up to pee at night (I do that anyway), eating pepperoni (well, it was in the house – course then he argued as to WHY it was in the house), mood swings (pretty moody anyway). The problem with these symptoms is they can also be side effects from the Progesterone.

It’s very confusing. I can’t hope because every thing I think of can be because of something else. And I’m scared. I want to take a test SO bad, but I’m too scared to. What if it’s negative? I’ll be crushed again. And what if it’s positive? I’d be so scared that I’ll lose the baby again. Then I start thinking about telling someone, who do I tell? Do I tell everyone again? Or do we keep it to ourselves? It’s almost nice to have people know so if something did happen, the support is there.

I haven’t been taking my temperature either. I got so frustrated with that last time, that I decided not to do it anymore. So, I don’t have any warning either… with the temp drops, I’d usually get a 2 day warning that my period is coming. Now, I haven’t got a clue.

Fire

This week has been completely exhausting – emotionally and physically. It was supposed to be a nice, relaxing spring break. And then the phone rang at 3:30am Tuesday morning. It’s NEVER a good thing when the phone rings at that hour!! My in-laws house was on fire!! My sister-in-law and her family were there visiting. Everyone, but the dog, got out okay. The dog died of smoke inhalation šŸ˜¦

FIL suffered some burns on his leg when he tried to rescue his Harley. It didn’t work. The motorcycle is completely ruined as was MIL’s car. The house is a mess. The front of the house and the roof are completely gone. The back rooms are still there, but severely smoke and water damaged. The insurance guy said it was a complete loss, so they will get reimbursed for everything.

I offered to try and wash some of my nephews and niece’s clothes – to try and get the smell out. I have never smelled anything so horrible in my life! It was awful! I was gagging as I was digging the clothes out of the bags. It took four washes with detergent, oxyclean, AND vinegar to get the stink out! And the shoes… I’m not sure they’ll ever be the same.

There’s not much I can do for them with all the kids home on spring break. I wish I could help out more.

And of course… I was ovulating.

Just A Dream

You know the song – the one Carrie Underwood sings –Ā JustĀ A Dream.

I know what it’s supposed to be about. But, that song has another meaning to me – at least part of it does. I heard this song the day I miscarried in November. So, when I hear these words, I think about the baby I lost…

“Baby, why’d you leave me? Why’d you have to go? I was counting on forever, now I’ll never know. I can’t even breathe. It’s like I’m looking from a distance, standing in the background… This can’t be happening to me, this is just a dream…”

Flu Vaccine

This year, my neighbors were all over the flu vaccine, and many of them still got sick. I kinda laughed to myself – how rude, I know – but, so many people don’t understand that just because you have the vaccine doesn’t mean it covers all the strains out thereĀ and it doesn’tĀ provide 100% protection.

Our local newspaper had an article, “About half of theĀ <city> influenza specimens tested by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in December were caused by a strain of the illness not covered by this year’s flu vaccine.”

There was also information in the article saying another strain of the flu “has become resistant to Tamiflu, the most widely used antiviral drug used to mitigate the fluā€™s effects.”

I don’t see the point of this vaccine.

Still Trying

Another cycle has come and gone. It has now officially been one YEAR that we have been trying to conceive. I guess this is payback for being such a fertile myrtle.

I used Clomid last cycle. The low dose: 50mg a day for 5 days. I added in OTC progesterone cream from GNC. This didn’t work. I didn’t get pregnant. I was completely bummed. I got pregnant the first time I used Clomid back in October, so Clomid had become a wonder drug to me. I was sure I would get pregnant on it this time. But, it didn’t happen. I did everything right. I took my temps, I baby danced from CD10 on, I used OPKs and faithfully took my folic acid and baby aspirin. And it didn’t work šŸ˜¦

The day my temp dropped, I cried. I don’t understand why I had no problems getting pregnant for years and now I can’t seem to get pregnant or stay a pregnant. What changed? I’m not that much older. And every month that passes that I don’t get pregnant, I get more desperate. I’m even considering taking injections!! Not yet though…

I went to the OB today and she upped my Clomid to 100mg per day. She finally listened to me when I told her how short my luteal phase was and that it was only 10 days this last cycle even using the OTC progesterone, she gave me prescription strength progesterone!!!

My next problem was that I don’t seem to make fertile mucous anymore. I used to. I haven’t seen any in MONTHS. I’ve tried evening primrose oil, that didn’t seem to help. So, she told me to try Robitussin. YUCK!!! That tastes disgusting, but I’ll try it.

She also told me to try baby dancing with a pillow under my hips. I usually put the pillow there after we baby dance. But, she said to put it there before we baby dance. Ooook, sure why not?

Finally, I asked what’s next? What happens if the Clomid doesn’t work? She tried to be reassuring and told me that she thinks I ovulate, she just thinks I need time. So, I said something about only being able to take Clomid for 3-6 months, which is what I’ve read online. She said that isn’t the case anymore, that they now know Clomid is safe and as long as I go in every month to have my ovaries checked (and that they’re not overstimulated), I can take Clomid asĀ  long as I want. This was the first time I had heard this.

If I try Clomid forĀ a w hile and decide toĀ go to the next step… it’s a referral out to a RE and probably injections. We don’t want to do IVF. We have already been blessed with four beautiful children.

Oh, and I threw that stupid shiny thermometer out – well, I put it away – it caused too much stress in the past few cycles.Ā My temps were always up and down and never dipped when it was supposed to dip. So, I’m DONE with it. I will still take the OPKs so I know when I’m ovulating, but no more temps!!