Another Appointment, Still No Answers

Today I saw a Hematologist. Her office was in a brand new medical building near the hospital. It was clean!! I like clean doctor’s offices. Their office was almost empty, only one other lady was in the waiting room. The nurse called me fairly quickly and within a few minutes, the medical assistant came in the room.

She asked me a bunch of questions that were hard to understand because of her accent. So, who knows what I answered yes to – LOL! A few minutes after she left, the doctor came in. She was very nice, I liked her immediately. She went over my history, talked about the results of my blood tests and what she wanted to do now.

She repeated the same old “folic acid deficiency” and “possibly blood clots being in the umbilical cord or placenta and causing the miscarriages”. She said that my positive ANA tests would be more handled by the Rheumatologist, but, that she and the Rheumatologist kind of overlap. After hearing about my LOVE of needles, she decided to let me get stuck only once. She gave me a list of all the tests she wants done. I’m to take that to my appointment on Friday and add it to whatever tests they want!!

She asked how many more children we wanted and I answered “just one more”. She laughed and asked how many times I said that 🙂 She asked how likely #6 was and I said that 5 was enough. Depending on the results of my blood work, she said she may put me on Heparin or Lovenox if I was to get pregnant and if we’re going to be TTC, then possibly even before I get pregnant.

Apparently, THIS makes me high risk (if I get pregnant). THAT means no homebirth with a midwife. Now, I haven’t ruled that out yet. Because I don’t know for sure WHAT it is I have and if they’re going to prescribe a blood thinner (other than the baby aspirin). But, it’s something to think about. I told her that I’ve used midwives and had natural births and I wanted a midwife and a homebirth. Her jaw about hit the ground! After she picked it back up, she said she wasn’t against midwives and homebirths, but I would be risking my life having a homebirth.

I still have to wait to get more answers. I may not need the Heparin, I may not have Lupus, maybe I just need extra Folic Acid. I’m trying to be optimistic.

I guess I need to decide… will I be able to give myself daily injections or even let dh do it? I hate needles. If I’m not laying down when I get blood drawn, I faint. Can I do that? And secondly, if I can’t have the birth I want, if I’m going to be forced into using a high risk ob, a hospital, maybe induction or c-sections… do I want that?

I want another baby so much my heart hurts. But, I have been blessed with four beautiful little girls. Maybe that’s what I’m meant to have. Maybe I’m not meant to have more. And maybe this last little angel was to help me find out all this stuff that is wrong with me. And yet, my arms yearn to hold another little baby, nurse her, and love her forever.

As my dreams fade away… I just want to go back to not knowing any of this.

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