What People Say When You Have A Miscarriage

Since my miscarriage this week, I have heard just about everything. I know most people mean well. Seems like everyone I tell has had a miscarriage or two. You would think those people would know what to say. What would I say, you ask? I would say “I’m sorry for what you are going through. I’m here if you want to talk.” That’s it. Something sweet and simple like that.

So… what have I heard from well intentioned people this week…

There must have been something wrong with the baby – Great. Thanks for sharing. If there was something wrong with the baby, I still would have loved her.

The timing wasn’t right – Well, could someone tell me when the right time is then?

Your body couldn’t handle it – So, it really IS all my fault.  

God needed an angel – He has plenty. Why mine?

You already have four children – Mhmmm. And?

You can try again – I can and will, thankyouverymuch. Still doesn’t help my pain.

My favorite: Maybe it was a boy and your body can’t have boys – WOW!!! That’s just… WOW!

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2 Comments »

  1. Dee Said:

    I hope I was not one of the ones who has said anythign to upset you.

    I am ALWAYS here for you when you want to chat.

    Love ya GF

  2. junecleaverwouldbeshocked Said:

    Wow…those are some thoughtless comments. And ditto to Dee, I hope I haven’t inadvertently said anything that made it worse.

    The thing that really sucks is that there’s nothing you CAN say to make it better – even if you’ve had a miscarriage yourself, you still just don’t really know. Or maybe it’s just that you know that nothing you can say will take that pain away.

    I’m not usually a mushy person, so I probably haven’t said this yet, but here’s what I WISH someone would have said to me:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Everything that you’re feeling – the sadness, the pain, the anger, the frustration, the guilt, the big empty void in your center – it’s all okay. It’s all justified. And I’m here for you, anytime you want to talk, anything you want to talk about. People may forget, people may never acknowledge your baby, but I will. I loved her too, and I’ll never forget her.


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