Goodbye Firecracker!

Recently, we got a big fat positive pregnancy test! We were thrilled! Another July baby – a firecracker! And then over the weekend, I started bleeding. It seems we have lost this baby. I went today to have it confirmed, but all they did was take my blood. I know there will be no reason as to why – but I wish there was, I wish they were able to tell me WHY. Was it because NKJ jumped on my belly last week? Was it because I dyed my hair? Was it because my husband and I made love? Was it because I had a hot bath just ONCE? Probably not. But, I’ll never know. That kills me every time this happens. There’s no reason why. Nothing to blame.

I didn’t go to church yesterday, because I didn’t feel good, not because I’m mad at God – even though I am – just a little. I know He didn’t do this to hurt me. I just don’t understand why He gives and takes away. Why bother to give it at all? What good is that? Some kind of lesson I’m supposed to be learning? I don’t know what it is! This didn’t help me figure it out. I will continue to praise Him through this storm and hope someday I understand.

It’ll take a day or two, maybe even a week, but I’ll get back up and now I want this badly. I will take ovulation tests, take my temperature every day, and maybe next time, we’ll be luckier.

I am very blessed to have my four beautiful girls! I love them each SO much! And this just makes me love them more.

We’ll miss you little Firecracker!

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3 Comments »

  1. livelaughlove4ever Said:

    (((HUGS)) So sorry 😦

  2. livelaughlove4ever Said:

    Hi I’ve been reading your blog on/off for a little while now. We just found out we’re pregnant w/ #6. I started spotting very light 2 days ago. I was hoping (if you don’t mind) telling me about your MC experience. I’ve never had a MC and don’t know if this spotting is nothing to worry about or not. We go to the doc this Friday. I have no cramps or body aches. But I’m also not feeling as pregnant as I did with the other kids. I’m 6 1/2 weeks. I don’t mean to pull up old wounds and I wouldn’t blame you for not wanting to reply or saying no. I just don’t know where to look, the internet is filled with contradicting things.

  3. wishingstar97 Said:

    I’m so sorry to hear that you are spotting. I don’t mind talking about my experience. In fact, you bring up a good point about not knowing what to expect and the internet being contradicting. Give me a few to write something up and I think I’ll post it so it can possibly help you as well as other people.


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